Teen Violence: What you should know

Note: This article originally appeared in the Ask Anne column written by our counselors with Pathways Professional Counseling. Learn more about our counseling ministry at www.pathwaysprofessional.org.

Q. I am a school teacher and I have been watching the news coverage about the recent Ohio school shooting. It feels like it could happen anywhere. What should I do to stop this from happening? Are there any warning signs I can watch out for?

A. It is very scary to sit and watch the images of school shootings on your television. It makes us all hug our kids a little tighter, but also makes us wonder what could have been done to prevent something like that from happening. As a parent, teacher, minister, or caring adult, we want to know what to do to protect children that we care about.

If you are curious what warning signs to watch out for, the National Institute of Justice teamed up with the Secret Service to help prevent school shootings. In their report they found there is no common profile of a school shooter*. Therefore, it is more important to look at behaviors and what the teen is communicating through these behaviors rather than looking only at the personality or character traits of that teen. There is no typical personality trait list that fits all violent teenagers. You really want to watch for a major change in behavior that is out of character for that teen.

The National School Safety and School Services list the following issues for teens that adults should be respond to:

• Detachment: A lack of bonding and “connectedness” to others
• Withdrawal or perceptions of hopelessness Threats — and the efforts to establish the means and opportunity to carry out the threats
• Disciplinary problems in school and/or delinquent, criminal activity in schools or communities
• Unusual interest or preoccupation with weapons, bombs, and violent forms of “entertainment”
• Abuse of animals, suicide threats or attempts, self-mutilation, etc.**

Being present in a child’s life can also make all the difference in the world. Try having open, honest communication with children you feel might fit this criteria above. Most kids need to know that an adult cares about them and really cares about what stressors are present in their life. This could be the early intervention that prevents them from acting out. If you are concerned about a particular teen, talk to them openly and honestly about what you are thinking. If they are struggling, you can then help direct them to appropriate referral sources such as ministers, school counselors or a professional counselor.

For more information, you can also check out this handout about “Early Warning, Timely Response”. It has many great resources and action plans available to you for free.

Parents can also play a crucial role in violence prevention. The National School Safety and Security Services list these idea that parents can employ to reduce the risk to their child:

• Talk with children early and regularly about gangs, drugs, weapons, school and community safety, and related concerns.
• When you talk with children, BE HONEST! Violence and related trauma issues are serious, but more damage can be done by minimizing or exaggerating points than by simply providing children with facts and telling the truth.
• Do NOT assume that your child knows even the “basic” facts about safety and other risks. Kids absorb a lot of information and, unfortunately, much of it is inaccurate or from questionable sources. Let your child get all of the information – the correct information – from you as the parent. And give it to them in a non-threatening and non-embarrassing time, place, and manner. Perhaps then your child will be more willing to come to you with other questions and problems later on!
• Eliminate access to weapons by youth.
• Be aware of and do not permit gang identifiers.
• Provide order, structure, and consistent discipline in the home.
• Work cooperatively with police and school officials.
• Seek professional assistance when needed and in a timely manner. Do NOT wait until a problem gets out of control and then look for professional help
• Parents must provide order, structure and consistent discipline. Although you love your child, realize that he or she is still a kid and will test the limits. Ask probing questions: Where are you going? Who will be with you? And do some follow-up to verify the answers they give you!
• Inspect your child’s room from time to time. Parents have found gang graffiti on bedroom walls, drug paraphernalia on dresser tops, sexually explicit notes, weapons in book bags leaving the home, graffiti and revealing information on school notebooks, and much, much more once they get up the nerve to start snooping! Unfortunately, some parents falsely believe that they should not- or legally cannot – go into their child’s room. It is your house and your child – check them both and check them regularly! It is not only your right, but your responsibility!!! ***

There is no one issue or no one thing that we can eliminate from teenage culture to stop these acts from happening, but we can be on the look out and we can be involved in kids lives. It might just be that involvement that helps a teenager realize there is another option other than violence.

* Information taken from: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/jr000248c.pdf
** Information taken from: http://www.schoolsecurity.org/trends/warning-signs.html
*** Information taken from: http://www.schoolsecurity.org/faq/parents.html

*This column is not intended to substitute for an actual session with a licensed counselor.
If you have a question you would like to ask, EMAIL US: askanne@abchome.org or leave a comment. We would love to answer one of your questions.

Read Full Post »

A Christmas Miracle

What they didn’t know makes this story a Christmas miracle. . . 

Shane and Sissy’s faces were bright with excitement. Their arms were full of beautifully wrapped boxes, and they couldn’t wait to tell me that these were all Christmas gifts for our kids.

Their grandmother, Dora Smith, is one of our dear supporters. She had given each grandchild $25 to buy gifts for children at ABCH. Mrs. Smith told me how excited they were and the special care each took in selecting their gifts.

Shane and Sissy were learning a very valuable lesson – the joy of giving.

What Mrs. Smith, Shane and Sissy didn’t know was that I had just become aware of two children in desperate need. Not only were these kids not getting anything for Christmas, but their home had burned in a fire and virtually everything was lost.

And so, Shane and Sissy’s story is a Christmas miracle.

It was as if the gifts that Shane and Sissy brought that day were chosen just for those two children. I’m continually amazed at God’s love and how He uses caring individuals of all ages to meet the needs of hurting children. Thanks be to God for his gift that is too wonderful for words. 2 Corinthians 9:15

God is working in the lives of the children we serve. And it’s never more evident than at Christmas.
Thank you for being one of the caring individuals He uses. We hope the children in our care will also learn the joy of giving, even as they enjoy the many expressions of love they receive. God’s gifts to our children really are too wonderful for words.

God used caring individuals – like Shane, Sissy and Mrs. Smith – to help hurting children last year at Christmas and throughout the year. We are are so thankful for all who have given to share Christ’s love at Christmas with those in our care.

That’s the joy of giving. I hope you experience that joy this Christmas season.

Have a very Merry Christmas!
Ted Embry
Area Director, Northeast Alabama

P.S. If you would like to give a year-end gift to help protect, nurture and restore children and families throughout next year, you may do so now through our secure donation form.

Read Full Post »

Help after the Holidays

This time of year, we hear a lot about helping children and families in need. Toy drives, donations, putting our change in the red Salvation Army bucket; all are geared towards helping during the holidays.

But what about after the holidays? As you put away the Christmas decorations are you also putting away your charitable spirit?

If you are feeling compelled to give and help those in need this holiday season, I encourage you to do so. But I’d like to also encourage you to think about how you can help after the holidays. Maybe you choose to invest your money or write your will in such a way that ongoing gifts are generated, or you may choose to commit to volunteer regularly at your favorite charity.

One way that we could use your help after the holidays is in the area of foster care.

Christian Foster Parents Needed

We need Christian couples and individuals willing to serve as foster parents in Montgomery, Elmore and Autauga counties. If we have enough interest we will hold a foster parent training class in the area in February.

As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to make a lasting difference in a child’s life, protecting, nurturing and restoring them through the love of Christ.

Mark* is one such example. As a child, he and his brother went to live with one of our foster families who lived just outside of Birmingham. Although scared, and a bit defensive at first, Mark began to grow and heal due to the one-on-one care his Christian foster family provided. This family nurtured Mark and his brother, teaching them about God’s love, missions and serving others. Mark has gone on to attain the rank of Eagle Scout and is a senior in high school, planning his college career. His dream is to one day serve others, possibly through the mission field.

Integral to Mark’s success is the foster family who took Mark and his brother in, and loved and cared for them as if he was their own.

But there are more children who need help. According to the 2011 National Kids Count Data Book, Alabama ranks 48^th among the 50 states in the terms of the well-being of children. And Montgomery County ranks 56^th out of Alabama’s 67 counties in terms of the well-being of children.

Montgomery County also has the fourth-largest number of children needing foster care among Alabama Counties, with 259 in care as of October 2011. Elmore County was 35^th, with 32 children in foster care, and Autauga County was 37^th, with 27 children in care.

In Matthew 25:40, Jesus says, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you have done it unto Me.” As Christians, we have a spiritual obligation to do whatever we can to make sure these precious little ones have homes where they can thrive and hear about Christ’s love.

If you are interested in serving as a foster parent in Montgomery, Elmore or Autauga Counties, please contact Bobbi Olson at 334-430-7569 or bolson@abchome.org.

We are also always seeking foster parents who live in Alabama within a one-hour drive of our offices in Birmingham, Decatur, Dothan, Mobile and Oxford. If you are interested in serving in any of these areas, please call 1-8888-720-8805, or email lcude@abchome.org.

You can also find more information on our website, www.alabamachild.org.

*Name changed for privacy reasons.

Read Full Post »

Child Sexual Abuse: Protecting Your Children and Your Church

Protect is the first word in the purpose statement of Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries. And for this reason the first topic to be addressed in this blog is protecting children from child sexual abuse.

Protecting our children means more than 'Keeping them away from strangers.'

The disturbing reality is that the sexual abuse of children is a “silent epidemic” striking nearly 1 out of every 7 children in our society.  The biggest myth facing parents and others responsible for the well-being of children is, “If I keep my children away from strangers they’ll be okay.”

The disturbing reality is that 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator

Another myth is that those who sexually exploit children are “dirty old men.”

Again, the facts are that child sex offenders come from every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.  Some things that can signal when a child is being sexually abused are:

• Does an adult spend isolated or “unique” time with a child?
• Does a child possess unexplained gifts, such as toys or money?
• Is a child withdrawing from friends to spend time with one particular adult?

So, you may ask, “What can I do to protect my children or those for which I am responsible?”  When seeking a care provider for your child or permitting children to be involved in sports,  or recreation, church and community activities led by adults, there are many questions that could be asked.  Here are just three for consideration.

• What policies are in place to protect the children in their care?
• Have the individual or individuals been screened through the state’s central sex offender registry to determine if they have ever been accused of sexual abuse? In Alabama you can conduct your own search at http://dps.alabama.gov/Community/wfSexOffenderSearch.aspx
• Is there a “two person rule?”  In other words, “Will there be two unrelated adults with the child at all times?”

If you would like to ask one of our professionals to speak with your church or community group about ways you can further protect children from child abuse, call us at 1-888-720-8805 or email info@abchome.org.

Our Pathways Professional Counselors are also available for children and individuals who have experienced trauma, including sexual abuse. Contact us at 1-866-991-6864 or email  pathways@abchome.org.

Bob Dewhurst
ABCH VP, Ministry Development

Read Full Post »