One Year After Tornadoes, Children’s Homes, Pathways Counseling Still Helping

Editor’s note: Even one year after the storms that hit on April 27, 2011, subsequent storms and storm anniversaries can trigger anxiety, fear and some of the same feelings felt on that day. If you, your children or someone you know is experiencing this, please see our Ask Anne article “Responding to Kids/Teens After a Disaster”  or download this Critical Incident Stress Information Sheet for some practical tips. And, as always, please contact us if you feel you would benefit from professional counseling at 1-866-991-6864, or pathways@abchome.org.

By Erin Tunnell, ABCH Communications Manager

They entered the sanctuary of Flint Hill Baptist Church, Bessemer, slowly, somberly, anxious to find help.

Casts, wheelchairs, crutches and bandages bore silent witness to the physical injuries these tornado survivors sustained, but the atmosphere was heavy with the unspoken testimony of emotional and psychological wounds.

In the first of several critical incident debriefings led by our Pathways Professional Counselors with survivors of the April 27, 2011, tornadoes, the storm survivors sought healing as they talked through their experiences — sharing their hurt, anger, and fears.

“It was surreal,” said Lisa Keane, Clinical Director of Pathways. “We were talking with people who had lost loved ones; families whose houses had been torn from the foundation as they were inside, like something you see in the movies.

I was so burdened for the hurt these people were experiencing and the knowledge that psychological healing was going to be a long process for these families and individuals.”

In the days and weeks following the outbreak of deadly tornadoes that will forever define that April day, the counselors of Pathways Professional Counseling and employees of its parent ministry, Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries (ABCH), sought ways to reach out to the hurting of the state.

Even as we grieved the loss of life and the destruction, we moved into action, with the ministry granting time off for staff to assist in clean up and ministry to the storm victims. As one employee was working in Tuscaloosa, he noticed a need for baby items. Our five regional offices in Decatur, Dothan, Birmingham, Mobile and Oxford coordinated with Alabama Baptist Disaster Relief to serve as collection points for diapers, baby bottles and formula. We then distributed those items among churches who were working on the front lines of the response. We also collected disaster relief funds to distribute among families in need.

One of our former residents and her children were injured and lost their home due to the EF-4 tornado that devastated Tuscaloosa. We were blessed to walk alongside her during her child’s subsequent hospitalization and to be family for her during the dark days following the storm. We were honored to be able to minister and play a small role in her family’s recovery.

“At the Children’s Homes, we are privileged to serve the children and families of Alabama,” said Rod Marshall, ABCH President/CEO. “When crisis occurs, we look for and welcome opportunities to partner with Alabama Baptists and others to protect, nurture and restore children and families through Christ-centered services.”

In addition to leading the session at Flint Hill Baptist, Our Pathways Professional Counselors led sessions in Hackleburg, Tuscaloosa and Cullman. We provided counseling to those affected by the storms at no charge.

And one year later, the work still continues, as we still counsel some who were affected by those and subsequent storms such as the tornadoes that again hit the state in January of this year. After that outbreak, our counselors worked in the Centerpoint and Clay/Chalkville areas of the state, and employees again reached out to help in various ways.

While helping us see the progress made, anniversaries such as this can also remind us how much is left to be done, especially in the process of healing psychologically. Survivors can experience “anniversary reactions” where news coverage or other anniversary-related events and sights can trigger the same feelings and physical symptoms of stress reaction as the actual event, said Ross Hickman, Program Director of Pathways. Many times, those who did not have any such reactions after the initial event will have a “delayed response” weeks, months or years later as a sight, sound or smell triggers memories of the tornadoes.

“This is definitely normal and typical,” Hickman said. “You are not going crazy if you’re experiencing these reactions for the first time.” He advises that those experiencing the mental and physical symptoms of a stress reaction to begin working through it by sharing their story with a trusted friend.

And if you or someone you know has been dealing with these feelings for the past year, or continue to experience them after 4-6 weeks, Hickman advises seeking professional help. “You have to begin working through it before healing can happen,” he said. “Ignoring the problem won’t help.”

If you or someone you know would like to talk with a Pathways Professional Counselor, please contact us at 1-866-991-6864, or pathways@abchome.org. We also have the following resource available for download: Critical Incident Stress Information Sheet (Reprinted by permission of International Critical Incident Stress Foundation.)

Teen Violence: What you should know

Note: This article originally appeared in the Ask Anne column written by our counselors with Pathways Professional Counseling. Learn more about our counseling ministry at www.pathwaysprofessional.org.

Q. I am a school teacher and I have been watching the news coverage about the recent Ohio school shooting. It feels like it could happen anywhere. What should I do to stop this from happening? Are there any warning signs I can watch out for?

A. It is very scary to sit and watch the images of school shootings on your television. It makes us all hug our kids a little tighter, but also makes us wonder what could have been done to prevent something like that from happening. As a parent, teacher, minister, or caring adult, we want to know what to do to protect children that we care about.

If you are curious what warning signs to watch out for, the National Institute of Justice teamed up with the Secret Service to help prevent school shootings. In their report they found there is no common profile of a school shooter*. Therefore, it is more important to look at behaviors and what the teen is communicating through these behaviors rather than looking only at the personality or character traits of that teen. There is no typical personality trait list that fits all violent teenagers. You really want to watch for a major change in behavior that is out of character for that teen.

The National School Safety and School Services list the following issues for teens that adults should be respond to:

• Detachment: A lack of bonding and “connectedness” to others
• Withdrawal or perceptions of hopelessness Threats — and the efforts to establish the means and opportunity to carry out the threats
• Disciplinary problems in school and/or delinquent, criminal activity in schools or communities
• Unusual interest or preoccupation with weapons, bombs, and violent forms of “entertainment”
• Abuse of animals, suicide threats or attempts, self-mutilation, etc.**

Being present in a child’s life can also make all the difference in the world. Try having open, honest communication with children you feel might fit this criteria above. Most kids need to know that an adult cares about them and really cares about what stressors are present in their life. This could be the early intervention that prevents them from acting out. If you are concerned about a particular teen, talk to them openly and honestly about what you are thinking. If they are struggling, you can then help direct them to appropriate referral sources such as ministers, school counselors or a professional counselor.

For more information, you can also check out this handout about “Early Warning, Timely Response”. It has many great resources and action plans available to you for free.

Parents can also play a crucial role in violence prevention. The National School Safety and Security Services list these idea that parents can employ to reduce the risk to their child:

• Talk with children early and regularly about gangs, drugs, weapons, school and community safety, and related concerns.
• When you talk with children, BE HONEST! Violence and related trauma issues are serious, but more damage can be done by minimizing or exaggerating points than by simply providing children with facts and telling the truth.
• Do NOT assume that your child knows even the “basic” facts about safety and other risks. Kids absorb a lot of information and, unfortunately, much of it is inaccurate or from questionable sources. Let your child get all of the information – the correct information – from you as the parent. And give it to them in a non-threatening and non-embarrassing time, place, and manner. Perhaps then your child will be more willing to come to you with other questions and problems later on!
• Eliminate access to weapons by youth.
• Be aware of and do not permit gang identifiers.
• Provide order, structure, and consistent discipline in the home.
• Work cooperatively with police and school officials.
• Seek professional assistance when needed and in a timely manner. Do NOT wait until a problem gets out of control and then look for professional help
• Parents must provide order, structure and consistent discipline. Although you love your child, realize that he or she is still a kid and will test the limits. Ask probing questions: Where are you going? Who will be with you? And do some follow-up to verify the answers they give you!
• Inspect your child’s room from time to time. Parents have found gang graffiti on bedroom walls, drug paraphernalia on dresser tops, sexually explicit notes, weapons in book bags leaving the home, graffiti and revealing information on school notebooks, and much, much more once they get up the nerve to start snooping! Unfortunately, some parents falsely believe that they should not- or legally cannot – go into their child’s room. It is your house and your child – check them both and check them regularly! It is not only your right, but your responsibility!!! ***

There is no one issue or no one thing that we can eliminate from teenage culture to stop these acts from happening, but we can be on the look out and we can be involved in kids lives. It might just be that involvement that helps a teenager realize there is another option other than violence.

* Information taken from: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/jr000248c.pdf
** Information taken from: http://www.schoolsecurity.org/trends/warning-signs.html
*** Information taken from: http://www.schoolsecurity.org/faq/parents.html

*This column is not intended to substitute for an actual session with a licensed counselor.
If you have a question you would like to ask, EMAIL US: askanne@abchome.org or leave a comment. We would love to answer one of your questions.

Honored to Serve

Rod Marshall, our VP of Pathways Professional Counseling, takes office today as President/CEO of the ministry. We would like to introduce you to him through our article featuring him in our recent LifePrints magazine.

Rod Marshall knew from his first interview that working for Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries (ABCH) wasn’t going to be a typical job.

But it wasn’t because of the work he’d be doing, it was because of the people. “My initial job interview was four hours long,” Marshall recalled. “I found in Louise Green (Vice President, Special Programs) a kindred spirit. She is somebody who loves people, and somebody who, even in that initial interview, seemed to care about me.”

His first day with the Children’s Homes was Jan. 1, 1995. That first holiday off was offset, however, by the busyness of the rest of his first week as he began understanding the ministry and setting up the ministry’s first counseling office and therapeutic playroom.

In the 17 years since, Marshall has guided the ministry’s counseling program, now known as Pathways Professional Counseling, through tremendous growth. It grew from Marshall working part-time in a shared office suite to 35 counseling sites statewide served by a staff of 14 counselors. Marshall’s title also changed, first to Director of Pathways, and then to Vice President of Counseling.

The focus of Pathways has also expanded from counseling children in the foster and residential care programs of ABCH to also serving children, families and individuals in the community. In 2010, Pathways served 2,954 children, families and individuals – more people than were helped by any other facet of the ABCH ministry.

That experience helped prepare him for this next role as President/CEO of ABCH, effective Feb. 1. Marshall said, “This has given me the opportunity to balance program growth with good stewardship and to practice good administrative skills and to hone
my leadership skills.” He also feels blessed to have served alongside the gifted Pathways staff. “I have really enjoyed being able to be an equipper and an encourager for them.”

And while Marshall did not seek out the office of President/CEO – he did not submit a resume to the search committee until they asked him for one – he decided to participate in the selection process as an act of obedient faith. “I needed to be willing to serve if that was what God was calling me to do,” Marshall said. “And the (search committee) felt like God was calling them to call me to be ABCH’s next leader.”

The committee let Marshall know they were nominating him via email, Tuesday morning, Oct. 17, 2011, a full seven months after asking for his resumé. “The process was very thorough, and it took a long time,” Marshall said. But throughout the process
he kept reminding himself, “If I’m not who God has called for this job, then I do not want it.”

Marshall was unanimously approved as President/CEO by the ministry’s board of trustees during its Nov. 11, 2011, meeting.
He said a “broad array of emotions” washed over him as the decision was announced – relief, excitement, anxiety and happiness.
Marshall said he was honored and humbled the committee selected him to lead the Children’s Homes through its next chapter. “I have never doubted that God has called me to be where I am, but I am only willing to be here if this is where God wants me to be,” he said.

Marshall is also thrilled to carry on a family tradition of serving Baptists. His paternal grandfather of 16 generations ago, Rev. Daniel Marshall, was the first Baptist pastor in Georgia. And Marshall’s great-great uncle Rev. Robert Duncan (R.D.) Hawkins served two terms as the superintendent of the Georgia Baptist Asylum for Orphaned Children from 1905-1908 and 1912-1914. Marshall received his bachelor of arts from Samford University, and he and his family attend Shades Crest Baptist Church, Birmingham.

“To have the opportunity to serve Alabama Baptists seems fitting,” Marshall said. “There are so many good things Alabama Baptists are involved in, and so many God-honoring things. I am honored to have the opportunity to be involved in one of them and to be a servant.”

He noted that it is an incredible privilege to be able to lead a ministry that is on such solid footing, and is doing much that is progressive and relevant. However, he sees the potential to do more than just staying the course. “We have the opportunity to build upon our 120 year heritage to move into the next chapter with creativity and confidence,” Marshall said. “I think tradition and heritage are very important, but we need to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to try to do things we have never done before or to do things in new ways. Our history is great, but perhaps the best is yet to come.”

Responding to Kids/Teens After a Disaster

With the possibility of more severe weather in the coming days, we hope that the following tips can help you prepare your children and ease any anxiety they may experience. Since the storms of January 23 were so recent, it would be considered normal for them to have more weather-related anxiety.

*This article first appeared on our Ask Anne Blog http://www.PathwaysProfessional.org/AskAnneColumn.en.html after the April 27 tornadoes.

In the wake of the recent tornadoes, we’d like to share some ways you can help the children and teens in your life as they process what happened.

First, you must make sure your children’s basic needs are met. They need to know they are safe, will have food to eat and have a roof over their heads. Once those needs are met, then you can focus on helping them cope. Neither children nor adults can cope until those basic needs are met.

Secondly, remember kids and teenagers are resilient. (Read more about resiliency on our Ask Anne Blog.) But, when disaster strikes it could be difficult for them to navigate the waters back to normal functioning. All kids and teens will react differently. Their reactions will depend on the level of exposure to the actual event, level of personal loss or injury, level of parental support, dislocation from their home or community, and preexisting risk factors such as previous traumas. No matter what their level of response, children and teens need adults in their lives who make them feel safe and okay.

Whether you are a parent, friend, teacher, pastor, children’s minister or shelter worker, you have the ability to instill resiliency in a child’s life.

 Listed below are some ideas of how best to respond to children and teens after a disaster:

1. Acknowledge their feelings – Children need for you to empathize with them and listen to what they are saying. Don’t dismiss them, thinking that this did not affect them because they are young. They need to know that what they are feeling is normal and that they will feel better. Continue to tell them their feelings are normal and let them know what else they might expect to feel.

2. Talk about the event – Whether we are talking about it or not, kids know what is going on. Talk to them about the events that have happened in an age-appropriate way. Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “If children are old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve.”

3. Remain calm – Remember that your kids will take their cues from you. Admit to your child how you are feeling, but reassure them that you and they will be okay. When you talk about your feelings, it will give them permission to talk about theirs. Make sure you are taking care of yourself too, so that you can remain calm while talking.

4. Routine, routine, routine – When disasters strike, kids need routine. Try as best as possible to return to your normal life. If that is not possible, try to create a new normal. Kids need to feel safe and okay. Kids feel safest when the same boundaries are in place that were there before the storm. Encourage kids to play or schedule time with friends if possible. Children often cope through repetitive play or by acting out the events they have seen. This is normal and healthy for children.

5. Encourage them to cope – You can help facilitate their ability to cope by using both verbal and non-verbal avenues. Have a child draw out what they are feeling or they saw. You can also have a child act out the events. Some children will want to talk about it over and over or ask multiple questions. Keep supporting and talking. You don’t have to have the answers, but being available to your child will make all the difference.

6. What has worked before – There is no need to reinvent the wheel. Talk to your children about what has worked for them in the past when they have been upset. Children and teens have coping skills. Sometimes they just need to be reminded of what they are.

If you are still concerned for your child a few days after the event, be on the lookout for the symptoms below or major changes in your child’s behavior:

•Refusal to return to school and “clinging” behavior, including shadowing the mother or father around the house
•Persistent fears related to the catastrophe (such as fears about being permanently separated from parents)
•Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, screaming during sleep and bedwetting, all persisting more than several days after the event
•Loss of concentration and irritability
•Jumpiness or being startled easily
•Behavior problems, for example, misbehaving in school or at home in ways that are not typical for the child
•Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches, dizziness) for which a physical cause cannot be found
•Withdrawal from family and friends, sadness, listlessness, decreased activity, and preoccupation with the events of the disaster.**

If your child or teen is exhibiting these behaviors and you are concerned about them, contact your pediatrician or a counselor. We will be happy to work with you and your family as best we can as well. Feel free to give us a call if you have more questions: 1-866-991-6864.

*This column is not intended to substitute for an actual session with a licensed counselor

If you have a question you would like to ask, EMAIL US: askanne@abchome.org or leave a comment. We would love to answer one of your questions.

**As found on their website, http://www.samhsa.gov/children/national.asp, National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day is a key strategy of “Caring for Every Child’s Mental Health.” This is part of the Public Awareness and Support Strategic Initiative by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. The effort seeks to raise awareness about the importance of children’s mental health and that positivemental health is essential to a child’s healthy development from birth. For more information about National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day, click here. 

***http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Helping+Children+After+a+Disaster&section=Facts+for+Families

A Christmas Miracle

What they didn’t know makes this story a Christmas miracle. . . 

Shane and Sissy’s faces were bright with excitement. Their arms were full of beautifully wrapped boxes, and they couldn’t wait to tell me that these were all Christmas gifts for our kids.

Their grandmother, Dora Smith, is one of our dear supporters. She had given each grandchild $25 to buy gifts for children at ABCH. Mrs. Smith told me how excited they were and the special care each took in selecting their gifts.

Shane and Sissy were learning a very valuable lesson – the joy of giving.

What Mrs. Smith, Shane and Sissy didn’t know was that I had just become aware of two children in desperate need. Not only were these kids not getting anything for Christmas, but their home had burned in a fire and virtually everything was lost.

And so, Shane and Sissy’s story is a Christmas miracle.

It was as if the gifts that Shane and Sissy brought that day were chosen just for those two children. I’m continually amazed at God’s love and how He uses caring individuals of all ages to meet the needs of hurting children. Thanks be to God for his gift that is too wonderful for words. 2 Corinthians 9:15

God is working in the lives of the children we serve. And it’s never more evident than at Christmas.
Thank you for being one of the caring individuals He uses. We hope the children in our care will also learn the joy of giving, even as they enjoy the many expressions of love they receive. God’s gifts to our children really are too wonderful for words.

God used caring individuals – like Shane, Sissy and Mrs. Smith – to help hurting children last year at Christmas and throughout the year. We are are so thankful for all who have given to share Christ’s love at Christmas with those in our care.

That’s the joy of giving. I hope you experience that joy this Christmas season.

Have a very Merry Christmas!
Ted Embry
Area Director, Northeast Alabama

P.S. If you would like to give a year-end gift to help protect, nurture and restore children and families throughout next year, you may do so now through our secure donation form.

Help after the Holidays

This time of year, we hear a lot about helping children and families in need. Toy drives, donations, putting our change in the red Salvation Army bucket; all are geared towards helping during the holidays.

But what about after the holidays? As you put away the Christmas decorations are you also putting away your charitable spirit?

If you are feeling compelled to give and help those in need this holiday season, I encourage you to do so. But I’d like to also encourage you to think about how you can help after the holidays. Maybe you choose to invest your money or write your will in such a way that ongoing gifts are generated, or you may choose to commit to volunteer regularly at your favorite charity.

One way that we could use your help after the holidays is in the area of foster care.

Christian Foster Parents Needed

We need Christian couples and individuals willing to serve as foster parents in Montgomery, Elmore and Autauga counties. If we have enough interest we will hold a foster parent training class in the area in February.

As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to make a lasting difference in a child’s life, protecting, nurturing and restoring them through the love of Christ.

Mark* is one such example. As a child, he and his brother went to live with one of our foster families who lived just outside of Birmingham. Although scared, and a bit defensive at first, Mark began to grow and heal due to the one-on-one care his Christian foster family provided. This family nurtured Mark and his brother, teaching them about God’s love, missions and serving others. Mark has gone on to attain the rank of Eagle Scout and is a senior in high school, planning his college career. His dream is to one day serve others, possibly through the mission field.

Integral to Mark’s success is the foster family who took Mark and his brother in, and loved and cared for them as if he was their own.

But there are more children who need help. According to the 2011 National Kids Count Data Book, Alabama ranks 48^th among the 50 states in the terms of the well-being of children. And Montgomery County ranks 56^th out of Alabama’s 67 counties in terms of the well-being of children.

Montgomery County also has the fourth-largest number of children needing foster care among Alabama Counties, with 259 in care as of October 2011. Elmore County was 35^th, with 32 children in foster care, and Autauga County was 37^th, with 27 children in care.

In Matthew 25:40, Jesus says, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you have done it unto Me.” As Christians, we have a spiritual obligation to do whatever we can to make sure these precious little ones have homes where they can thrive and hear about Christ’s love.

If you are interested in serving as a foster parent in Montgomery, Elmore or Autauga Counties, please contact Bobbi Olson at 334-430-7569 or bolson@abchome.org.

We are also always seeking foster parents who live in Alabama within a one-hour drive of our offices in Birmingham, Decatur, Dothan, Mobile and Oxford. If you are interested in serving in any of these areas, please call 1-8888-720-8805, or email lcude@abchome.org.

You can also find more information on our website, www.alabamachild.org.

*Name changed for privacy reasons.

Child Sexual Abuse: Protecting Your Children and Your Church

Protect is the first word in the purpose statement of Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries. And for this reason the first topic to be addressed in this blog is protecting children from child sexual abuse.

Protecting our children means more than 'Keeping them away from strangers.'

The disturbing reality is that the sexual abuse of children is a “silent epidemic” striking nearly 1 out of every 7 children in our society.  The biggest myth facing parents and others responsible for the well-being of children is, “If I keep my children away from strangers they’ll be okay.”

The disturbing reality is that 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator

Another myth is that those who sexually exploit children are “dirty old men.”

Again, the facts are that child sex offenders come from every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.  Some things that can signal when a child is being sexually abused are:

• Does an adult spend isolated or “unique” time with a child?
• Does a child possess unexplained gifts, such as toys or money?
• Is a child withdrawing from friends to spend time with one particular adult?

So, you may ask, “What can I do to protect my children or those for which I am responsible?”  When seeking a care provider for your child or permitting children to be involved in sports,  or recreation, church and community activities led by adults, there are many questions that could be asked.  Here are just three for consideration.

• What policies are in place to protect the children in their care?
• Have the individual or individuals been screened through the state’s central sex offender registry to determine if they have ever been accused of sexual abuse? In Alabama you can conduct your own search at http://dps.alabama.gov/Community/wfSexOffenderSearch.aspx
• Is there a “two person rule?”  In other words, “Will there be two unrelated adults with the child at all times?”

If you would like to ask one of our professionals to speak with your church or community group about ways you can further protect children from child abuse, call us at 1-888-720-8805 or email info@abchome.org.

Our Pathways Professional Counselors are also available for children and individuals who have experienced trauma, including sexual abuse. Contact us at 1-866-991-6864 or email  pathways@abchome.org.

Bob Dewhurst
ABCH VP, Ministry Development